for the girl with the broken smile --

such sadness heavy sits
in shades of black and grey
tangled heartstrings and bits
how heavy thy burdens weigh

what sadness on the soul
tears upon tears upon no more tears
eyes glow a bright black hole
vast reflecting pools of sorrows fears

this expanse of sadness runs
once clear waters icy dark
endless horizons with no suns
a blood-red moon burns black and stark

such sadness heavy sits
lost and bereft thou pray
for new light mercy permits
how heavy thy burdens weigh

of people and things

Cambridge-MIT CME preparation notes

I’ve given out a lot of advice and answers about preparing for MIT CME, so I thought I would amass my emails and post it in case anyone else finds it useful. I didn’t try to retype out all the information about Cam, the colleges, formal halls, etc. -- this is just for packing (advice mostly for girls haha ^^), and financial preparations basically ~

Weather

- Cam is colder for a longer period of time than Boston, but it never gets as heavy snow

- In June May Ball, it's still too cold at night outside to just wear an evening dress, even with a guy’s jacket I'm still so cold. so basically don’t bring too many summer clothes at all, I don't think I ever got to really walk around in tank top + shorts. In June, I can wear dresses around the day, but evening, the temperature drop is bigger than Boston so I need a sweater.

Dresses

- 1 or 2 long dresses for May Ball (depending on how many you plan to go to) and ~6 semi-formal dresses should be sufficient

- There’s at least one Chinese association formal ball that you can wear a qipao to if you want

Jackets

- Having a winter overcoat is nice -- the wool type, long or short, with double buttons or something -because 1) it's pretty and people will be seeing you wear it a lot 2) it's the norm for Brits to wear -- you won’t see people walking around in big puffy jackets, or Northfaces, etc.

- That said, one wool coat is all you really need, unless you want to change styles like me haha: one short, one long, one black, one white/light. one rainy day jacket. one sweater type jacket can wear under a thinner outercoat. one casual whatever jacket I don’t care about.

- If you're gonna go skiing/snowboarding or other sports, remember gear for that.

Shoes

- Most of the streets are cobblestone type so don’t walk around in stiletto heels haha.

- Flats are good, I usually always wore those, although with too thin/flat shoe bottoms, you can really feel the stones on the street.

- Obviously more comfy sneakers, converse-types, etc are all fine too

- Boots are super super popular because they’re warm, comfy, and trendy looking. All the girls I know ended up buying several pairs of boots at Cam, both high and ankle length ones. Boots with heels are also easy to walk in if you want height. You will end up wearing boots for a good period of the time.

Clothes other

- Layering is good because indoors can get really hot with heaters (and also really dry!). Maybe like a short sleeve, a thinner jacket/sweater, and an outside overcoat + scarf. Depends on how much you like the cold, not me =(

- Scarves for both guys and girls -- I bought my Cambridge college one!

- Warm leggings/tights for dresses and boots

- Also have shoes you don’t mind walking in the rain with, and at least one umbrella, you’ll be using it a lot more often that at MIT

- Stuff for going out clubbing wear

Luggage

- I didn’t ship anything to UK, but I brought on the allocated 2 suitcases of 50lbs each plus my carry-on.

- Virgin Atlantic at Logan Airport, when we went, was super stringent and weighed all the carry-ons, limit was like 13lbs so people had to reshuffle stuff last minute. My carry-on was like 30lbs haha so thank god my friend only had one suitcase and check mine in for me. But many times I’ve flown without my carry-on being weighed, so I don’t know =/

- Coming back to US, a lot of people shipped stuff, or had visiting family/friends bring back stuff for them. If you visit US on holiday, bring back as much as possible. I don’t know what other people used, but I basically looked around online at air costs and called for prices. I think I used Heathrow's baggage services actually, for like ~$250 I shipped a check-in size maybe 30lb suitcase to Singapore. I brought everything else back on the airplane with me.

- Some airlines have student excess weight allowance for if you’re going to college or graduating and going home -- both of which we fall under. We have "matriculation" letters and you can also get a "completed studies, will not be returning next year" etc letter. I got my allowance through Singapore Airlines, +5-10lbs, but some American airlines do it too. It's not well known, you might need to call and ask, and at check in time, have the college letters as proof.

Banks

- If you have Bank of America debit, withdrawal from Barclays in UK is free, as well as other banks in the Global Alliance Program, look it up. The exchange rate is quite good. You need to call/visit Bank of America before you go to make a note on your account that you will be abroad in XYZ countries so that you can gain access and they don't freeze your account on questions of identify theft or charge you for withdrawal fees. Make sure you tell them several times….

- I had a US HSBC account (it's free) so that i can open a UK one for free (normally not free), but you can also open a Lloyds one for free with no min.

- Capital One is the only credit card that I researched back then (~1.5 years ago) that did not have international usage fees, saving you ~1-2%.

Paying Bills

- If your college allows you to use debit or credit cards directly, great.

- Else, for debit with BoA, you can just withdraw GBP from Barclays ATM and pay your college in GBP cash. There's a daily limit of ~US$750 so be careful not to exceed that in GBP withdrawal.

- If something in your college needs a cheque payment and you don't have a UK account, just get a friend who does to write one for you and pay him

Cell Phones

- People text a lot in UK because calling is free for incoming, but very expensive for outgoing (prepaid pay as you go plans)

- If your cell phone is unlocked, any pre-paid SIM will work

- I used Orange, I think it's the cheapest, with a bonus plan like top up 10gbp and you get 500 free text or something like that

- A lot of people use Vodaphone too, they have plans like Stop the Clock where you pay only for first three minutes and free for next 57 minutes of a call

- O2 is best for calling international, but you should be using Skype for that anyway

- If you call often and you get a bank account early, you can sign 6-month contracts that are pretty good deals, including free Skype phone, etc. Look around the phone shops.

- If there’s a few people you always call, everyone should get a Vodafone family plan

Things to sign up for

- Student Rail card for UK rail, esp Cam-London
- National Coach card for bus travel, esp Cam-Heathrow
- studentbeans.co.uk for Cam restaurant offers

:-)

Memory

When I walk through Times Square in the early morning,

neon lights dim and deserted --

Some days, I look up in exhilaration, dreaming towards the future, the possibilities clamoring with nervous anticipation.

Most days, however, I look around in heavy quietness, memories flooding my mind transporting me to other times and places. Sadness is always the legacy of the past; regrets are pains of the memory. After the storm passes and only wreckage remains, what else can one do but pick up the pieces and shoulder on?

Most days, I try to not remember.

A weekend back at MIT

sometimes felt like I never left. Two dinners and two lunches every day, it was a compact version of my senior year social life. Taking my favourites and cramming them into a tiny box 40 hours big. Hanging out in the same places with the same people, I could fleetingly forget I no longer belonged. Theta. Next House. PBE. #1 Bus. Harvard Bridge. Kendall. Central. Shaw's. Newbury. Roads. But there were key ingredients missing that provided hard reality checks. No Burton 5. No La Verde's. No Saferide. No 5th floor Reading Room. No Athena clusters. No Infinite. And no certain other people.

I dreamt of

code.

C# code, to be exact.

Inspired, I dreamt of how to debug my mischievous code.
I [F11][F11][F11] through the code in my dream... stepped through almost as if it were physically before me in a gigantic scrolling window I could
[Enter] + || + |>.

I finally found that fickle little bug in the while(true) loop, so I tinkered around to add the appropriate nuts and bolts -- add some bells and whistles too just for kicks -- like a mechanic would, working under the hood of a car and billing you excessively for labor costs.

Finished, I took a deep breath ==> Ctrl+F5 ==> I held my breath and frantically wished upon some airplanes and shooting stars. I fantasized the graphs outputting all correctly, dizzying random walks of vivid colours and shapes, celebratory fireworks filling my vision.. . . .

.

. .

. . .

. .

.
And hence, is how I figured out the solution to my coding dilemma this morning.

And I see

a traffic jam of confused dazzled tourists. tourists who look towards the sky and then everyone looks up but I see nothing there. tourists who block the sidewalk with two strollers and a fat kid. tourists who ask me if the uptown train goes up Manhattan or down. tourists who think real-life NYPD cars are so cool to take a picture of.

Half way down the obstacle course of 42nd St., I quit the sidewalk to walk in the bus lane (where you can see the other real New Yorkers are). My iPod in, my heels clicking fast my blazer ruffles in the slight wind -- my look solidly says Don't Bother Me. F*ck off, tourist people and advertisement people and street vendor people and homeless people and drunk people.

And so the day ends.

I see

Every morning, the streets of Times Square stream columns upon columns of worker ants, like little tributaries flowing to a parent river. They rush in tandem from the far West side, through Port Authority, to Times Square and beyond.

And so the day begins.

another birthday

and I realized I haven't spent a birthday in the US since 2005.

Edit:. yea later in the day I remembered 2007 in MD/VA. sorry~~

I've been trying to describe this birthday in terms both vague and descriptive enough for this blog, but I can't find the words yet.....

the other Cambridge once again

arriving at immigration, remembering CME arrival: waiting for Ken's health inspection, sitting on the floor with Alice by the brochure stands for more than an hour

Parker's Piece fun fair

stinky horses and sheep

bad magicians and lame rides

cute big stuffed ducky i want

so many babies, baby fever

youtube and chats and random bored facebook stalking

hotornot on cambridge girls?

abacus talk

basement floor Starbucks couch talk

talking about what to do later at night

talk of meeting the infamous boy, sheesh little freshies

dropping my iPhone in the Starbucks toilet

finding rice and alcohol at Sainsburys

burying my iPhone in rice

Ring of Fire

dickhead. sexy beast. sexy dickhead.

breaking the ring, port and vodka

seeing everyone outside La Place

La Raza drinks

finally Life

bad dance music

bottle service and calling shots

getting locked out of our B&B for the night

trying to guess the B&B's combo lock, looking sketchy to passer-bys

waiting for someone to come back to Morty House, being very cold outside

sitting on the stairs still waiting

sleeping on Hao's living room floor, borrowing clothes, cold and uncomfy

walking back and being angry at the B&B person at 8am

sleeeeeeeeping until 1pm

d'arry's lunch

Grantchester!

egg and watercress

brie and jam

curry chicken

scones and clotted cream and jam

the long walk back

cow poop

white swans and cute furry baby swans

brown cows

Caius May Ball prep

a dress crisis

to drink and eat beforehand or not

in queue along Caius alley, shiver shiver

seeing my Maths supervisor twice

first Pimms then doughnuts, crepes, and burgers - ostrich, kangaroo, venison - om nomnom nom

spring summer autumn winter

bad cocktails

avocado with hummus? with greek yogurt? with salmon dressing? oO

pumpkin & ginger soup

parsnip soup

terrible comedians, or is it terrible British humour

I'm terrible at arcade games

racing against QQ and both of us losing

silent disco

vodka luges

casino room

not being able to find my Maths supervisor again

not stomaching the whiskey tasting

a whole bottle of champagne - this is much easier

more port

gingerbread houses and men

borrowing John's fireworks

bad candy

cork shooting and little whirley toys

photography shoot

cute five little boys, who's the odd one out?

having to use two hands and two fingers to hold and shoot the cork gun

that hammer bell thingy

two shirtless, almost pantless guys? in only a collar, shirt cuffs, and a paper loin cloth thing...

flower wreath

seafood platter

shisha tent

finding the bathroom a lot

finally some hiphop dance

drunk friends around and abound

chilling out in the vodka luge room

love rants at the bar

breakfast food

sun rising

not waiting for the survivor's photo

sleeeeeeeeeeeep

Teri-Yaki as usual

a quick Lionyard shopping trip

not answering my British phone to 0800

watching 3 World Cup games a day

English breakfast daily

a beer and Mediterranean mezze for 6.95 GBP

my iPhone still utterly dead, still in rice

gyroscope

Peter Chao and bad youtube videos

Ring of Fire on Green St, once more before we all leave

having to talk in a Chinese accent for rest of the game

seeing everyone I wanted just about once

saying goodbyes again, this time for how long?

Cam hasn't changed :)

Post-graduation summer

MIT graduation! Boston -> NYC -> London -> (Doha ->) Shanghai -> (Doha -> London ->) NYC -> Singapore -> NYC! start work :)

[- 21W.750 final writing project -]

Scrap \skræp\ "small piece," late 14c., from Old Norse. skrap "scraps, trifles,"

Book \ˈbu̇k\ Old English. boc "book, writing, written document," traditionally from Proto-Germanic.
Scrapbook first recorded 1825
Memory \ˈmem-rē’\ mid-13c., from Anglo-Fr. memorie, from L. memoria, from memor "mindful, remembering," from Proto-Indo-European base *men-/*mon- "think"

SCRAPBOOK MEMORY

A Memory of Scraps of Books :

Random books I read more than five years ago, described purely from my memory in any voice, form, language, detail – whatever thought – that first came to mind. Through my love of literature plus art, this notebook represents how no two human memories are alike, and the erasure, corrosion, distortion of memory that comes with time (akin to Dali’s “Disintegration of the Persistence of Memory”).

~ Julia

[click to read in larger size]

the end.

Hope

dreams are dreamt

in vivid Technicolor

glorious summer days

of blazing white sunlight

and red hot love boundless exhilaration

daring

dreams

sublime soundtrack of the purest heart

crescendo

alas, dreams are dreamt

not to interfere with reality

[Experimental Writing] 20 consonant poetry

Use all twenty consonants at least once in each sentence; Do not repeat consonants except when repeating one consonant uninterrupted by other consonants

#1

A saga:
bawdy quixotic knave
+
real jazzy femme
=
happy.

#2

Cupid,
go vex
hearts of joy.
My queen awoke ablaze.

Experimental Writing class #2

Three Poem Mash-up

Lines from three famous poems are scrambled together and divided into three new poems. Can you tell the original sources?

(P.S. okay this blog format is a bit annoying because the width cannot contain the length of some of my verses, they get divided into two lines...)

#1

We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow because I could not stop for Death.
And you, my father, there on the sad height, rage –
rage against the dying of the light.

Yes we’ll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
and the dark street winds and bends
feels shorter than the day.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

We passed the setting sun
the dews grew quivering and chill
and there the moon-bird rests from his flight.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight the place where the sidewalk ends;
Since then ‘tis centuries, and yet each rage –
rage against the dying of the light.

#2

He kindly stopped for me,
my tippet only tulle,
for only gossamer my gown.

At recess, in the ring,
I first surmised the horses’ heads were toward eternity.

Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black,
the roof was scarcely visible,
and watch where the chalk-white arrows go.

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow,
and there the grass grows soft and white.

We paused before a house that seemed a swelling of the ground,
the cornice but a mound.

For the children, they mark, and children, they know and learn,
too late, they grieved it on its way.
Old age should burn and rave at close of day.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight –
and there the sun burns crimson bright –
do not go gentle into that good night.

#3

For his civility we slowly drove,
he knew no haste,
and before the street begins,
we passed the school where children strove
we passed the fields of gazing grain.

The carriage held but just ourselves,
and we’ll go where the chalk-white arrows go;
and I had put away to cool in the peppermint wind, my labor, and my leisure too.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Or rather, he passed us to the place where the sidewalk ends.
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying How Bright!
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay.
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay.
Because their words had forked no lightning, they and Immortality do not go gentle into that good night.
Do not go gentle into that good night.

<3

Where the Sidewalk Ends – Shel Silverstein
Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night - Dylan Thomas
Because I could not stop for Death – Emily Dickinson

Experimental Writing class #1

you usually leave.

You usually leave –
I idolize lies,
needy, desire fire –
letting tingling linger.

Upset (un)settled led on
come to together get on
You usually leave.
some amour more
Sob problem lament mental tolls.

No more mourning nights.
Run away waywardly leech,
you usually leave.

New York City in a short skirt and a long jacket

Back now at MIT, when faced with the inevitable, repeated, questions of "How was your IAP?" I realize no amount of words could explain it to someone who was not there. I also cannot satisfactorily answer the questions of "What did you do in New York City?" The gerunds eating, shopping, drinking, clubbing ring hollow and indescript. Jason phrased it as, a higher quality of life. I deem it as the NYC lifestyle.

I love walking down the streets on a bright day when the sunlight shines straight down the grid lines of Manhattan, yellow dots honking and tracing into the distance, and human achievements of glass steel and concrete rising in vertigo on both sides. I walk in step with the fast heartbeat of New York, dressed in a grey peacoat, leather & cashmere gloves, and high heeled boots. Breakfast is a bagel or pastry bought at the food trucks outside every Metro exit in the morning. Add a cup of Nespresso to my desk, and my day has begun. Lunch is but an afterthought, and the coming of dinner is signaled by the sun's disappearance over Central Park from my office window. I turn off the lights, lock up the office, and now, starting with dinner, my day has only just begun.




A handful of phone calls later, dinner might be comfort food in Chinatown, or cheap and collegiate in St. Marks and Lower East Side. Or, more often than not this month, an upscale restaurant that satisfies our Epicurean cravings. (My favorites? The Michelin star restaurants Le Cirque and The Modern. Absolutely exquisite.)



On chill days we just hang out in the Wall St apartment lounge, watch a movie, play some pool, thinking about going somewhere but never actually moving. If we're feeling fun, after-dinner drinks at a bar or lounge - soju in a watermelon anyone? - but, as college kids at heart, the guys usually end up running to a liquor store before 10pm and hanging out at the apartment in Little Italy. Quarters, Beirut, Kings, poker... Jersey Shore... good old-fashioned fun and games (and broken cups and mismatched card decks) ensue.



On the nights that we make it out beyond this, there's dancing in a dark grimy bar -- never mind the sketchy old people, because the DJ is good, the friends are good, and the bartender is very good. When we exit a couple of hours later, sweaty, cold, and hungry, our thoughts inevitably turn to K-town Bonchon. Inside the taxi, there is a slight pause in confusion as we wonder what streets exactly are K-town on, but we get there eventually. While waiting for that delicious fried chicken, we comment on particularly cute waitresses, or, upon seeing Shinhan Bank's logo across the street, revert back to MIT-ism and discuss Starcraft 2...

A glimpse into my routine in New York.

And in between all this are my random adventures wandering around Central Park, walking around the block in a circle, getting locked in an out-of-service subway train, trying to give food to homeless people, being confused in Brooklyn, etc. etc.... the usual =)

>> Rest of the pictures on Facebook

<3

From Shanghai, with love

lots of family love
eating hot City God Temple xiao long bao 城隍庙 小笼馒 on the street in the freezing cold
shopping stalls around Ciy God Temple
a big round table banquet
new friends
shopping as a local
World Expo 2010 tour

sneak peek at all the World Expo country pavilions
Shanghai smog
gorgeous view of Nan Pu Bridge and the Bund from my apartment windows
waking up to the national anthem blaring
新世界 Xin Shi Jie dim sum
eating to my heart's content
strolling down Nanjing Lu 南京路
dodging a creepy stalker, playing hide and seek
running away in a taxi to Xin Tian Di 新天地
long coffee talks
rows and rows of bright Christmas and New Year lights down Huaihai Lu 淮海路



little red lanterns hanging like persimmons in trees
eating in every shop down 云南路 Yunnan Lu
chicken blood soup
white soy chicken
congee
pork chop and 粘糕 niangao
grass jelly boba
not finding stinky tofu
walking walking walk til you drop
Songjiang University town
yelling at the dorm window
lying my way into the male dorm
pretending to have a long lost cousin that I'm visiting
inspecting their quad room
daily milk boxes
laundry hanging on every balcony
seeing your classmates' underwear
can't believe they still have 11pm lights out
eating so much hot pot
pretending to be a normal student
seeing the largest group of guys together ever
touring the university grounds
snickering throughout the managerial lecture
still not understanding what the class was about
communist party propaganda
Christmas Eve banquet at Park Hotel


11 course+ meal
too full from hot pot to eat, what a waste of food
raffle prizes
volunteering for the magician's trick
awful dancers
rose champagne prize
having a sister
girl talk
first manicure
Christmas party 521
a 1000 people pillow fight


anger management
stress relief
crazy pillow bashing fun
scary hard violin rock concert
Shanghainese singing band
paper Santa Claus competition
DJ spinning
bashing anyone wearing XX color
screams and giggles
cute boys and girls
欢乐谷 amusement park
scared as hell
why did I even get dragged on here
hyperventilation
tower of sudden drop
cyclone
dizziness
haunted house
and finally, goodbyes and off to Hong Kong

my Tara

Shanghai is my Tara.

That is the best description I can think of. Shanghai is not just my hometown, my birthplace, my family house... my Tara.

What is it about Shanghai? I left when I was one; I didn't grow up there; I've returned only three times since; yet I have an oddly strong sense of attachment to this city. I love Shanghai.

Upon returning to Shanghai this time, I [like to think] I've grown-up more and, consequently, finally understand:

See, in short, Savannah never had family beyond my parents. Shanghai is my Tara because it is filled with love, so much love and acceptance from my extended family and friends, ones I rarely meet or even barely know. They are so overwhelmingly kind, caring for my every possible need, giving so much praise it makes me blush, supportive in everything for me... that is why Shanghai is my Tara, my safe place of strength and refuge. If Atlanta burned, Vesuvius erupted, the Yangtze flooded, I would steal a horse buggy and escape to Shanghai. If I lose my way, lose my Rhett Butler, I would return to Shanghai.

Sitting at the dinner table in Shanghai, looking around, ignites a special happiness unlike any other, a warmth that could thaw the coldest ugliest frost. Being an only child, (my cousins too, we all come to see each other as siblings) this is my closest to understanding the greatness in having a large immediate family. Shanghai always makes my heart sappy and fuzzy feeling, brimming with love bestowed by others. I am touched beyond words.